THE SCIENCE OF LOVE AND WAR
there’s a girl in my science class
she makes my heart stop whenever she walks past
believe me, she’s the reason that lip gloss was made
together we could be the Beyoncé and Jay Z of 5th grade
but there’s just one small problem
and time after time my mind keeps reminding me of this:
SHE DOESN’T EVEN KNOW YOU EXIST!
yeah i know, I’m just trying to take it slow
now my mind’s always giving me
hints and suggestions of things
i could do in order to make her mine:
YOU CAN BUY HER FLOWERS AND CANDY
GIRLS LOVE CANDY
ok,ok,ok, i say
now one day I’m in science class
and I’m daydreaming about you know who
when out of the blue she steps up and asks me
if she could borrow a pen
you would have thought she’s asked me out for a date
because i couldn’t move, i was frozen in place
my mind said: SURE!
nervously i knocked my pencil box to the floor
and i picked it up and i gave her my favorite pen
my sponge bob pen
she said oooh, oooh, i love sponge bob
my mind said: SAY ME TOO, SAY ME TOO!
but i didn’t; i just let her walk away
and at the end of the day
my mind said: GO TALK TO HER,
AT LEAST GET YOUR PEN BACK, SILLY!
i said, see that’s my new strategy
as long as she has that pen she’ll always have a part of me
my mind said: YOU’RE AN IDIOT! YOU GOTTA CHANGE YOUR METHODS
AT THIS RATE SHE’LL NEVER GET THE MESSAGE!
and from that point on besides eating and sleeping
me and my mind spent most of our time
trying to figure out ways to make her mines
my mind said, LOOK, IT’S AS EASY AS 1, 2, 3 . . .
you know, you’re right, you’re right
i’ll just step up and ask her to go out with me
every day my mind says: TODAY’S THE DAY
but day after day i keep putting it off
and i have to keep reminding my mind
look here buddy i am the boss
my mind sets up the perfect moment,
THE GOLDEN OPPORTUNITY
and everything went smooth until the moment of execution
i panicked and my mind starts screaming
JUST DO IT, JUST DO IT
i’m like—will you please just be quiet!
she turns around and says, i hope you’re not talking to me!
oh no, i was talking to myself i said
oh great, now she thinks I’m a coo-coo
who talks to the voices in his head
thanks a lot, thanks for nothing, i said
my mind says: GET READY CHAMP, HERE SHE COMES AGAIN
i open my mouth but no words come out
my mind says: COME ON, YOU CAN DO IT. YOU CAN DO IT!
but i have butterflies inside, and my legs have turned to fluid
my mind says: YOU BLEW IT!
I’m tired of fighting this war
so now I’m in love with someone else
because i realized that my mind didn’t want the girl for me
he wanted her for himself
